Priest Review

Priest Review

Here is an interesting factoid about vampires you may not have known:  vampire stories have been made into movies more times than any other fictional character. Vampires may be so widely used because they transcend the horror genre and can be made to fit into any type of movie. Science fiction, romance, even the superhero genres have all used vampires at one time or another in one shape or another. Because they are so widely used, and so versatile it is no surprise that they appear in great movies (Dracula), not so great movies (John Carpenter's Vampires) and of course bad movies (Queen of the Damned).

Priest is a complete failure as a movie.  It was prepared and designed as a post apocalyptic vampire story, something akin to Mad Max meets Dracula or some such thing. The idea of a wasteland vampire story is something that to my knowledge hasn't been done before. Sure there have been similar ideas that involve the supernatural or alien creatures, but not specifically vampires. The design, the stunts, and most of the acting are all good enough to make a decent movie, but the reason this movie fails, the reason it falls flat on its face is it's horrendous script.  Please pardon the pun but the dialog and even its plot is bloody awful.

The movie begins with a dream sequence.  Our hero Priest (played by Paul Bettany) is haunted by nightmares of a mission in which he lost another priest to a hoard of vampires. This nightmare haunted me as a rehash of the opening scene from the Sylvester Stallone gem, Cliffhanger, but I digress. Priest (yes that is his name) lives in a society ruled by an oppressive church (think Big Brother meets Our Father). Within the confines of the city humanity is safe from the non-existant vampire threat. I say non-existant because apparently the order of the priests have eradicated all of the vampires and now lead mundane lives as shunned citizens of an ungrateful population. When his Brother's family is attacked by vampires and his niece kidnapped, Priest leaves the city, against the will of the church, and goes on a rescue/revenge mission to get her back. Aided by a local Sheriff, and a priestess played by Maggie Q. Priestess (yes again that is the character's name) and Priest have a convoluted romantic history that is supposed to make her sacrifice at the end of the film mean something, it doesnt. Priest hunts the vampire attackers to a runaway train on a mission to infiltrate the walls of the protected city, and feast upon its inhabitants. Of course this leads to an epic yawn inspiring battle upon a moving train.

There are very few bright spots in this mediocre movie, one of them is Karl Urban's villainous Black Hat (I'm not making this up people that is his name).  Black Hat is a "Daywalker." Those unfamiliar with vampire lore, a "Daywalker" is a vampire who is unaffected by light, has all the powers of a vampire and none of the weaknesses.  While not well written is well acted, partially because of Urban, a great character actor who in my opinion is overlooked. Black Hat is also interesting because they make his character, his poses, the way he is lit, and the way he is filmed so cinematically beautiful that it is hard not to be interested in him.  I would go so far as to say that the villain in the film is far more interesting than the film itself.

I saw the movie in 3D, but the 3D was an unnecessary addition to an unnecessary movie.

Let me know if you see the movie, and I am sorry if you already did.